In any case, here I am on this partly cloudy day thanking all of you for your gifts of love, support, and caring messages on this blog, on Facebook, and in the mail. I have tried to keep up with the individual thanks but there have been hundreds and I am now doing a group thank for all of you whom I did not/could not get to, one-on-one. I cannot tell you how much you have cheered and moved me with your hugs. I return them, of course.
Last week, the house was full of our children and grands,friends, relatives from near and far, food, drink, and laughter. What else could we do when someone walked in, shook my brother's hand and said "so sorry to meet you."?? Or when I picked up the phone after the funeral, thinking it was a condolence phone call and a salesman wanted to speak to my husband about his financial needs. Afterwards, I was thinking of comeback lines. Laughter. Black humor, indeed - but a good counterpoint to the grief. THAT is what sitting shiva is about.
The official period of mourning ended Friday afternoon and my cousin left this morning. So here I am -- back to real life and living alone, which I have never done, ever. I had to take the garbage and the tons of recycling out to the curb tonight: the young man next door saw me and offered a hand with the bags, which I accepted. I barely know him but he offered to help with the cardboard and paper next week.
Tomorrow, the next leg of the journey begins.
I've always lived my life without a roadmap - just as I work without knowing in advance what the end result will be. That might have to change a teeny bit, since I have to do a little planning ahead if I want people to do things with.
Things like going to the movies, which I refuse to do alone. My cousin and I went to see the new Woody Allen movie last night and every single show was sold out. SOLD OUT!! So now I either find somebody else who wants to see it or wait till it comes out on DVD. Hmmm.
Eating out -- something else I don't enjoy doing alone. Meals are social events. No more "let's go out for dinner tonight" on the spur of the moment. People have their own lives. Lunch out with a friend is easier and that's ok,too.
I also have plenty to look forward to.
- I'm teaching Soy Wax Batik and Sophisticated Screen Printing (with dyes) in Grand Junction, Colorado July 7-10 at Fabric Arts Studio. There may even be couple of spots left.
- Am excited about the launch of my new book in November and I'll be at Market in October to talk about it!
If you want to pre-order a signed copy, go to the Rayna's New Book page at the top of the blog.
For now, I'm turning in early so I can start my new life tomorrow.
xox
24 comments:
Wow. Sounds daunting. A whole new life to get on with. I have always thought going to a movie alone would be unacceptably weird, even though I have no problem watching one at home alone. I have single friends who do go to movies alone.
I was happy to see this posting and see that you have teaching ahead and a new book coming out. Take care of yourself. Life goes on...
while the first time I went alone (to the movies) I was in a snit about it, but enjoyed myself any way... So now I sometimes sneak off and think of it as my own secret pleasure. eating out alone still has to be done with a book.. Or better still with a book at the bar. half empty, half full it is what it is and I am so glad to have you share your views of it. I am enjoying Joomchi and beyond at SDA and wish you were here.
I'm so glad to hear you being so upbeat about everything and curious about the future. Fabulous. I've done everything alone for most of the last 20 years -- you'll get the hang of it in no time with your attitude.
Much love!
Stopping by to check in and see how everything is going. I'm sure there will be lots of adjustments to make but you can take them in your stride, right?
xoxox
Congratulations on the new book, Rayna...I'm sure it's wonderful. One day at a time, you are embarking on a new phase of life...be good to yourself. Stay connected to family and friends. I know it feels strange, to be in this place.
So glad to hear that you cope with the situation in this positive way.
Just figure you were the salesman and hear the laughter :-)) and then find out the reason and apologize and then hear you don't have to ... strange!
I lived alone for many years, exiting years; I prefer to live with someone and to go out with him, but every time I go out alone, exiting things start happening.
New doors opened up when my 1st husband left.
I wish you a very lucky start for your book and big success. Can't wait for my copy.
I lived for years alone, went out alone, and then had to learn to do it with another. It is odd at first, to be alone. You are a strong, resourceful woman, loved by many. Know that there are many of us with you in spirit as you embark on this new journey. Congratulations on the new book. I hope you find solace in your memories and your art. xoxo
I'm always amazed at the "chapters" in our lives - especially women. We just get nice and settled into the setting, characters and such of our lives and turn the page - new chapter - plot twist - sighhhhh - not always a good thing but the book goes on. I'm always a partly sunny kinda chick 'cause where there is sun - there is hope! So glad you were comforted by all the support!
I have no doubt that if anyone can do it, you can Rayna. You are strong and resourceful. It will take time to ease on into this new chapter in your life, but you are also such a fun person to be with, that you will have tons of friends looking after you and inviting you out and about.
A new book: you go girl! I can't wait to get my hands on it!!!
Take care and take time to heal.
xo
A couple of years ago, a friend of mine lost her boyfriend after a brief illness. After a few months, I started asking her to join me for dinner, kind of a "girls night out". We've been doing it about once a month ever since. I didn't want to lose her friendship, and have seen too many times when people support someone going through a loss, but then they get busy. Bet you have people in your life who want to stay close... don't be afraid to reach out.
Hugs,
Judy
I have no problem going to the movies alone, but eating out is still a problem and my Phil has been gone over 10 years. Eating alone at home is no fun either especially since cooking for one is really a challange. But one has to eat. Yes there were so many things I had to adjust to, like taking out the trash or carrying in the groceries after a trip to the market.I do what I can and hire out the rest.
But the one best thing I have found since being a one instead of a couple, is that I found "me". And it did help to make plans and future committments.
Be well and a big hug.
My husband has Parkinson's and I know that in a few years I'll be facing a similar outcome. I only hope I can do it with as much grace as you. Thank you for sharing your new oneness. Love reading all the comments. I have a hunch that after some adjustment, you're going to embrace your new status. Great success with your new book!
Dear Rayna,
The grief journey is one only those in the process understand...been a widow for almost two years. I found
incredible support and solace at a blog called 'Widow's Voice'.....hope it helps you.
missy from the bayou
A new book and new pages in your life--
You are a gift in and of yourself- an inspiration to others in ways you may never know.
-Thank you for your honesty and your blog.
Sorry I just saw your blog with the sad news. My husband was away for three weeks, now returned, and I hated the garbage bit also! Not good at that. But it can be done I know. I can eat out alone and do and go to movies by myself sometimes, and I meet new people it seems whenever I do go and wherever I go. I am sad for you after a long love affair and marriage......I know it will be a process of adjustment, but as everyone here has said, you are a strong woman and resourceful, and have had much success and more to come. Creatively living helps heal and you have so much to offer others........
If there is ANYTHING I can do for you, just ask.......sometimes that's the most difficult part, the asking, but people love to help!
I lived alone for years and, although I never did learn to plan (good luck on that), I did come to enjoy being alone. As I never did learn that planning thing...alone or not...PLEASE feel free to ring me for meal, movie, trip, whatever on the spur of the moment.
And a new book! Now that's something to look forward to. I hope we can get you to come flog it here ;^)
Yes, it is a big adjustment.
When my husband and I lived temporarily apart, I joined a dining club. About 6-10 of us had a monthly standing date to try a new restaurant.
A colleague told me that, when he moved to big and anonymous Sunnyvale, he joined a supper club of 12 people. Each person would host a dinner party once a year, and another person would be their assistant. That way, he met people and always ran into them around town. It made a new town seem like home.
I am thinking of starting a supper club even though I've lived here for 12 yrs. Why not?
I've been disconnected so just saw the news of your loss; so very sorry. You are a strong & remarkable woman and it is good to look forward. Blessings.
Hugs ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Gerry
I've been thinking of you, Rayna, and I am glad you had family and friends to celebrate good memories of Marty and help bear the loss. Your salesman story reminds me of something similar hat happened when I was a kid. I was 9 years old when my dear grandfather died. One of the days when family were gathering for his funeral, the phone rang, and there was no one else around to answer it, so I, trying me best to be very "adult", picked up. When the caller asked for my grandfather, I said, in my most mature way, despite being totally flamboozled, "He's passed away." The salesman replied "What? He's 'just away'? When will he be back?". I had to then say "No, he's DEAD." Embarrassment all around; I thought it was rude to just say the word right out, and he was then al flustered and apologetic. Sometimes you just have to take your laughs where you can find them!
Gaaaa! How did I miss this post. google Reader has failed me. This made me a little teary eyed. When Mr C was still working, he used to take long trips to Japan and Europe and was gone through week-ends. I used to say it was my training for widow-hood. Truth be told, I hated it. I am such a social person, like you. I wish I lived close enough to go to the movies and have a meal with you. What I do know, is that my friends who have lost their partners eventually find a new way to be and I know that yo will, too.
Good luck with your new book- how exciting!
Rayna, when I click on the window to order your book from Australia (where you order from overseas), it says that a drop-down menu should come down (to insert the word Australia) but this does not happen. Can you help? I would like to order and pay for this book now since I have the money on hand. With thanks for your help, Bern in Australia
I go to the movies whenever I feel like it. Sometimes my husband can't come or I go on impulse. See "BillCunningham New York" if you can. Great doc about a quirky, driven, sweet, kind, and humble man. He's driven by his work because he loves it so much. Good distraction for you.
Dearest Rayna,
I love the metaphor of the new book and a "new" life ahead. Just be good to yourself. There are lots of people out here who love you.
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