today's headlines

Time for a little comic relief. In the local (and I mean LOCAL) rag here, the Outside the Neighborhood page contained the following stories from the outside world, edited here for space. Drunken thief enjoys sleep of he dead - at funeral home CANTON, New York - a man was charged with burglary and criminal mischief after he allegedly broke into a funeral home and fell asleep in a coffin... Would-be buglar caught pants down in house's chimney BRAWLEY, California - A man who got stuck in a home's chimney claimed he fell in when he climbed onto the roof to look at stars. But police saw things differently and arrested him for burglary. The man told them he got stuck near the bottom of the chimeny and removed his pants and waved them around to set off the home's motion detectors... Thief steals homeowner's front yard ADELANTO, California - It was a sod story for a Mojave Deset homewoner whose entire front yard - grass, bushes and sprinklers - was hauled away by a thief to a nearby residence... and the pièce de résistance... Armless man charged with reckless driving WELLINGTON, New Zealand - An armless man stopped for speeding was driving with one foot on the steering wheel and another on the pedals...has never had a driver's license..charged with driving in a manner likely to be dangerous to the public. What a world!